digger | (no subject)

[Cloud pauses before quietly pushing into the room and moving over to Simon's side, having a heavy seat.]

...I'm sorry, Simon. I didn't mean to curse.

[Simon lifts his head as Cloud sits down, hand moving over until he finds Cloud's and giving it a little pat, though he doesn't smile yet.]

I know. You weren't very happy, huh.

It's...not that.

[Cloud drags a hand through his hair.]

...Simon, I'm...not a very good person. Your question...well, I wouldn't do that to avoid dressing up like a girl, but...I have killed people. A lot of people.

[Simon stiffens, eyes flaring wide even though he can't see anything. His expression is a mixture of confusion and horror.]

You-- killed people?! Papa, why?! Killing's bad! Killing's awful! Why would you do that?!

[God, Cloud does not want to talk about this; his gut burns and he grinds his teeth before answering.]

A lot of it was self-defense; they were going to kill me if I didn't protect myself. Sometimes it was to protect someone else, or the Planet.

[Cloud's voice drops to a whisper.]

And some of it was because I'm weak.

[Simon swallows hard. He knows the questions are hurting Cloud, but somehow he can't stop himself from asking more.]

Why... would you kill people because of that...?

It-

[Cloud hunches his shoulders and bites his lip, stopping when it stings a bit and he can't stop the words coming out of his mouth.]

I didn't mean to...it was an accident. But both of them- And then, I-I couldn't save them, any of them, and it's my fault...!

[Simon's quiet for a moment again, eyes closed. Then he shifts over to wind his arms around Cloud as much as he can reach, nuzzling his side.]

That's... how I feel, too... when Mother and Father died... it was my fault...

[And Cloud honestly doesn't have anything to say to that in return, so thankful that Simon wasn't afraid to touch him that he simply pulls the boy into his lap and hugs him as tightly as he dares without hurting him.]

It'll be okay, Papa. We're still together, right...?

[Dragging a hand through Simon's hair shakily, Cloud murmurs against the boy's temple.]

...I'm sorry. This isn't fair to you. I'll try harder, I promise.

[Simon rests against him, brows furrowing in confusion.]

What's not fair...? What's wrong? You didn't do anything bad...

I'll be a good dad. I just need a little more practice.

[Cloud hugs Simon close, eyes sliding shut as he buries his face in the boy's hair.]

Papa... Papa, you are are a good dad! You are! D-don't... don't think you're not... I'm sorry if I made you feel bad...

No, it's not your fault. This-

[He cuts himself off before he can say any more, taking a deep breath and trying again.]

It's not your fault. I promise. Okay?

O... okay...

Papa... can I help you...?

Just...give me a minute. [Cloud presses his cheek to the crown of Simon's head, eyes closed.]

Just a minute.

[Simon opens his mouth to respond, then thinks better of it, just settling down to let Cloud hold him in silence. Maybe... he already was helping.]

(no subject)

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